I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
