a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
