Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Enjoy the penises
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
