There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
