It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
