help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize