90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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