he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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