The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
