So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
