So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
