Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
