i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize