Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
