i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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