the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize