I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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