The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
