KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
