She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
PANTIES FOUND
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize