I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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