she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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