Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
