I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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