I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize