Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
