I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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