I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
