I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
