WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
