the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think people are normalizing furries
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
