i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize