Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize