you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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