he puts the penis in happiness.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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