i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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