there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
