Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
