Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
