I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
