Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize