i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
