Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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