I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
