i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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