i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My balls are so social today.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
