Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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