I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
