my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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