So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
