He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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