also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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