ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
