Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Do vagina's smell?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
