I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
