she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
