In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
