I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
