Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
NoShamevember. You game?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
