lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
