Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
