She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Never joke about your clitoris.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
