worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
