thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
