I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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