if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
