i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
