used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my shit smells like andre
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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