like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize