my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
